they say milk helps babies grow but ive poured 3 cartons of it over this baby and so far all it has done is cry
keep your friends close, but your enemies closer
like really, very close
so close that you can feel your enemies breath on your neck
and you shiver with hatred and… anticipation?
turn around and look deep into your enemies eyes, letting your gaze drag down to their lips, your eyes intense with desire. push your enemies up against the wall.
make out with your enemies.
your friends, who are still close, are super uncomfortable and kinda grossed out
idk I sometimes finish sentences with a “~” bc a period seems too hard/almost angry and a blank is too blank
see you later. (secretly pissed)
see you later~ (floating away trailing glitter and fairy dust)
My anaconda will consider it
My anaconda has, upon review of the information presented with it’s partners, decided that it, in fact, does not. My anaconda apologizes for any inconvenience this may cause and thanks you for your time.
Re: Your Anaconda,
Thank you for your consideration. Please keep my cover letter and resume in your files in case of any future openings. Good luck in all future endeavors.
A bunless hun
that time of year is approaching
scary lawn decorations
terrifying tv programs
people in costumes going door to door
straight white boy: what are you doing?
me: laying in bed
straight white boy: anything else? ;)
straight white boy: are you sure? ;)